Rather Together

Would you rather: relationship deal breakers

Would you rather relationship deal breakers make you choose which of two annoying partner habits you could live with, like a partner who chews loudly or one who talks with their mouth full. They're a funny way to find out what actually bothers each of you before it turns into a real argument.

a partner who leaves wet towels on the bed

a partner who leaves dishes in the sink overnight

48 dilemmas, each with a follow-up · Updated November 12, 2026

Every couple has a list of small things that drive them up the wall, and most people never say theirs out loud. Here you have to pick the habit you'd put up with: wet towels or dirty dishes, five alarms or none, the partner who's always late or always early. Play it with your partner and confess which ones you are.

  1. Read both habits, count to three and both say the one you could live with.
  2. Ask the follow-up, then each of you names which habit your partner actually has. A point for every confession.
  3. Keep it light, and pass on any card that hits too close. If one stings, use the follow-up to agree on a fix.

48 dilemmas

Deal breakers at home

Towels, cabinets and dishwashers. The classic household crimes.

  1. Would you rather a partner who leaves wet towels on the bed

    or a partner who leaves dishes in the sink overnight

    Talk about itWhich of these do I do, honestly?

    What it revealsShows which kind of mess bothers each of you more, in the bedroom or the kitchen.

  2. Would you rather a partner who never closes cabinet doors

    or a partner who never puts the toilet seat down

    Talk about itWhat habit of mine have you quietly given up on fixing?

    What it revealsReveals which small household slip each of you notices every single time.

  3. Would you rather a partner who sings every song with the wrong lyrics

    or a partner who hums the same song all day

    Talk about itWhat song have I gotten stuck in your head lately?

    What it revealsShows how much background noise each of you can tune out at home.

  4. Would you rather a partner who never replaces the toilet roll

    or a partner who never refills the water filter

    Talk about itWhich small refill are you always the one doing?

    What it revealsReveals who keeps the house running and notices what's about to run out.

  5. Would you rather a partner who's always ten minutes late

    or a partner who's always thirty minutes early

    Talk about itWhich one am I, and how do you cope with it?

    What it revealsShows whether lateness or overpunctuality frustrates each of you more.

  6. Would you rather a partner who loads the dishwasher wrong

    or a partner who never empties it

    Talk about itWhat's the right way to load it, and which of us gets it wrong?

    What it revealsReveals who cares more about how a chore is done and who cares that it's done.

  7. Would you rather a partner who leaves every light on

    or a partner who leaves every door open

    Talk about itWhat habit do we both have that we should fix together?

    What it revealsShows which kind of carelessness each of you finds harder to let go.

  8. Would you rather a partner who keeps the TV on all day

    or a partner who needs total silence at home

    Talk about itWhat's the normal noise level in our place?

    What it revealsReveals how much quiet each of you needs at home to feel relaxed.

Deal breakers in bed and asleep

Sleep habits are where couples suffer quietly. Time to confess.

  1. Would you rather a partner who snores loudly

    or a partner who steals every blanket

    Talk about itWhat would you do about it at 2 a.m.?

    What it revealsShows which nighttime disruption each of you would find easier to forgive.

  2. Would you rather a partner who sets five alarms

    or a partner who sleeps through every alarm

    Talk about itHow many alarms do you actually need?

    What it revealsReveals who's the morning struggler and who suffers most for it.

  3. Would you rather a partner who wants the window open all winter

    or a partner who wants the heater on all summer

    Talk about itWhat would our ideal bedroom be like?

    What it revealsShows how each of you handles temperature, which is a real sleep battleground.

  4. Would you rather a partner with ice-cold feet

    or a partner who runs hot like a furnace

    Talk about itWhich am I, and how do you deal with it?

    What it revealsReveals which body temperature each of you is better equipped to share a bed with.

  5. Would you rather a partner who scrolls in bed with the brightness all the way up

    or a partner who reads in bed with the big light on

    Talk about itWhat's your rule for screens in bed?

    What it revealsShows how each of you feels about light and screens at bedtime.

  6. Would you rather a partner who talks in their sleep

    or a partner who kicks in their sleep

    Talk about itWhat's the strangest thing I've done in my sleep?

    What it revealsReveals which sleep habit each of you could sleep through.

  7. Would you rather a partner who starfishes across the whole bed

    or a partner who clings to you all night

    Talk about itHow much space do you want at night?

    What it revealsShows how much space and touch each of you wants while you sleep.

  8. Would you rather a partner who wakes up chatty at six in the morning

    or a partner who's grumpy until noon

    Talk about itWhat do you need from me in the first hour of the day?

    What it revealsShows how each of you handles mornings, and what you need from the other.

Deal breakers in the kitchen

Food habits get personal fast.

  1. Would you rather a partner who chews loudly

    or a partner who talks with their mouth full

    Talk about itWhat noise do I make that secretly drives you mad?

    What it revealsReveals which mealtime habit each of you finds harder to ignore.

  2. Would you rather a partner who eats your leftovers without asking

    or a partner who labels every leftover with their name

    Talk about itWhat food of yours is off-limits to me?

    What it revealsShows how each of you feels about sharing food and personal boundaries.

  3. Would you rather a partner who orders the same thing everywhere

    or a partner who takes twenty minutes to order

    Talk about itWhat do I always order?

    What it revealsReveals whether predictability or indecision tests each of your patience more.

  4. Would you rather a partner who double-dips

    or a partner who drinks straight from the carton

    Talk about itWhich kitchen habit would you ban for good?

    What it revealsShows which kitchen hygiene habit each of you finds more unforgivable.

  5. Would you rather a partner who never cooks

    or a partner who cooks but wrecks the whole kitchen

    Talk about itWhat should our deal on cooking and cleaning be?

    What it revealsReveals how each of you thinks about effort and fairness in the kitchen.

  6. Would you rather a partner who hates every food you love

    or a partner who loves your food and always steals it

    Talk about itWhat food do we disagree on most?

    What it revealsShows how much sharing tastes matters to each of you.

  7. Would you rather a partner who leaves one bite in the container

    or a partner who puts the empty box back in the fridge

    Talk about itWho in our house is guilty of this?

    What it revealsReveals which lazy fridge habit each of you is secretly guilty of.

  8. Would you rather a partner who puts ketchup on everything

    or a partner who can't handle any spice at all

    Talk about itWhere would you take me to change my mind about food?

    What it revealsShows how adventurous each of you is with food, and how flexible.

Deal breakers with phones and screens

Modern problems. Most couples have at least one of these.

  1. Would you rather a partner who leaves you on read for hours

    or a partner who double-texts every five minutes

    Talk about itWhat's the right reply time between us?

    What it revealsReveals what each of you expects from texting when you're apart.

  2. Would you rather a partner who plays videos out loud in public

    or a partner who takes every call on speaker

    Talk about itWhat phone habit of mine embarrasses you?

    What it revealsShows which phone habit each of you finds more embarrassing in public.

  3. Would you rather a partner who checks their phone all through dinner

    or a partner who photographs every dinner

    Talk about itWhat phone rule at dinner would you actually keep?

    What it revealsReveals how each of you feels about phones at the table.

  4. Would you rather a partner with 10,000 unread emails

    or a partner who answers every email at midnight

    Talk about itWhat does my inbox say about me?

    What it revealsShows how each of you balances work and life on your phone.

  5. Would you rather a partner who spoils every show you're watching

    or a partner who secretly watches ahead without you

    Talk about itWhich show would you never forgive me for watching ahead?

    What it revealsReveals how seriously each of you takes the shows you watch together.

  6. Would you rather a partner who posts everything about you

    or a partner who never posts you at all

    Talk about itHow much of us should be online?

    What it revealsShows how much of the relationship each of you wants online.

  7. Would you rather a partner who games all weekend

    or a partner who scrolls all weekend

    Talk about itHow do you want to spend our weekends?

    What it revealsReveals which kind of screen time each of you finds harder to share a weekend with.

  8. Would you rather a partner who never charges their phone

    or a partner who borrows your charger and loses it

    Talk about itWhere do you think all our chargers end up?

    What it revealsShows who's more scattered and who's more possessive about small things.

Deal breakers out and about

How your partner behaves around other people.

  1. Would you rather a partner who tells the same story at every party

    or a partner who tells your embarrassing stories at every party

    Talk about itWhich story of mine have you heard too many times?

    What it revealsReveals how each of you feels about stories told at parties, repeated or revealing.

  2. Would you rather a partner who's always the last to leave

    or a partner who wants to leave within the first hour

    Talk about itHow should we decide when to leave a party?

    What it revealsShows how each of you balances social energy against needing to go home.

  3. Would you rather a partner who chats with everyone in line

    or a partner who won't talk to strangers ever

    Talk about itWhich of us does the talking, and do you mind?

    What it revealsReveals who's the social one and how much each of you minds it.

  4. Would you rather a partner who argues with waiters

    or a partner who never sends back a wrong order

    Talk about itWhat would you do if your order came wrong tonight?

    What it revealsShows how each of you handles small conflicts with strangers.

  5. Would you rather a partner who can't stand your best friend

    or a partner whose best friend can't stand you

    Talk about itHow did my friends first react to you?

    What it revealsReveals how much each of you needs your partner and your friends to get along.

  6. Would you rather a partner who overshares with your family

    or a partner who barely speaks to your family

    Talk about itWhat's one thing I should never tell your family?

    What it revealsShows how each of you wants your partner to fit in with your family.

  7. Would you rather a partner who always has to win at games

    or a partner who never even tries at games

    Talk about itWhich of us is the worse loser?

    What it revealsReveals which of you is more competitive, and how much it bothers the other.

  8. Would you rather a partner who takes an hour to get ready

    or a partner who's ready in two minutes and waits at the door

    Talk about itHow long does it really take you to get ready?

    What it revealsShows how each of you handles time pressure when you're heading out together.

Deal breakers about money and plans

Smaller than a real money fight, bigger than a towel.

  1. Would you rather a partner who books every trip at the last minute

    or a partner who books every trip a year ahead

    Talk about itWhat trip should we book next?

    What it revealsReveals whether spontaneity or long planning stresses each of you more.

  2. Would you rather a partner who splurges on gadgets

    or a partner who splurges on clothes

    Talk about itWhat purchase of mine do you still question?

    What it revealsShows which kind of spending each of you is quicker to judge.

  3. Would you rather a partner who never pays their fair share

    or a partner who splits every bill to the cent

    Talk about itHow do we handle money in a way that feels good to both of us?

    What it revealsReveals how each of you thinks about fairness with shared money.

  4. Would you rather a partner who cancels plans last minute

    or a partner who makes plans for you without asking

    Talk about itWhat's your rule for plans between us?

    What it revealsShows whether unreliability or being bossed around bothers each of you more.

  5. Would you rather a partner who forgets every birthday

    or a partner who throws you a huge party you didn't want

    Talk about itHow do you actually want your birthday?

    What it revealsReveals how each of you likes birthdays handled, and how much attention you want.

  6. Would you rather a partner who signs up for every subscription and never cancels

    or a partner who borrows everyone's logins to avoid paying

    Talk about itWhich subscriptions do we really use?

    What it revealsShows how each of you feels about waste against cutting corners.

  7. Would you rather a partner who brags about money

    or a partner who never talks about money at all

    Talk about itHow open should we be with each other about money?

    What it revealsReveals how openly each of you wants to talk about money.

  8. Would you rather a partner who always says I don't mind about plans

    or a partner who vetoes every idea

    Talk about itWhat date idea have you wanted to suggest?

    What it revealsShows whether indecision or stubbornness tests each of your patience more.

Questions people ask

What counts as a relationship deal breaker?

A deal breaker is anything you couldn't accept in a partner long term. Big ones are about values, honesty and how you treat each other. The ones on this page are small daily habits that only feel like deal breakers at 11 p.m. when the dishes are still in the sink. Picking between two of them shows what really gets under your skin.

Should a small annoying habit be a deal breaker?

Usually not on its own. Most habits can be talked about and changed, or worked around, once you both know they bother someone. A habit becomes a bigger problem when it's been asked about kindly and nothing changes, or when it's a sign of not caring. The follow-up on each card is a gentle way to start that conversation.

How do you play the deal-breaker version of would you rather?

Read two annoying habits and each pick the one you'd rather live with. Then each of you says which habit your partner actually has, and they get to defend themselves. A point goes to whoever correctly calls their partner's habit. It works well as a final round after a normal game, because everyone's relaxed by then.

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